just in case u don't know me..
today is my birthday!
damn yeah! I turned 21 today!
Pertamanya aku pikir, setelah masuk dunia angka 2 puluhan itu tidak ada yang harus dirayakan.
Biar saja hari peringatan kelahiran itu sebagai suatu pertanda biasa yang mengatakan bahwa aku harus semakin dewasa dan semakin bertanggung jawab. sudah itu saja, aku pikir.
Tanpa aku sangka, mereka yang aku sayangi dan menyayangi aku
berpikir lain. Ini adalah hari yang harus aku rayakan! Hari special yang akan aku kenang untuk selamanya. Setahun yang lalu aku ingin sekali singgah di Denny's Restaurant untuk makan gratis di hari ulang tahunku. tapi sayangnya rencana itu gagal. Setelah berdiskusi dengan teman-teman baik ku, rencananya aku akan makan di sana tahun ini dengan mereka. Hanya aku dan 'kita'
Sudah cukup bagiku bahwa mereka mengingat hari ini dan mendoakan yang baik untuk ku.
Hari ini terasa biasa. Aku harus menginap di rumah teman ku supaya bisa pergi subuh untuk melakukan tugas. setelah itu aku dan salah satu temanku berkeliling downtown, melahap japadog yang enak, dan setelah gagal meminta gratisan, menyikat dua scoop mondo gelato, lalu kami pulang.
Sorenya kami harus kembali lagi ke downtown untuk menjalankan misi makan di Denny's. mobilnya di parkie agak jauh, aku pikir ini karena mereka ingin memakai sisa ticket parkir. ternyata aku dupasangkan rangkaian bunga pink dan mahkota mainan.
Aku harus berjalan ber blok-blok dengan tatap mata beraneka yang mengikuti.
Sesampainya di sana. ada sekitar 30 orang menunggu sambil bernyanyi happy birthday! sungguh aku terharu! bahkan Fr. edwin pun hadir!
Sungguh sesuatu yang mengingatkan dan membahagiakan.
Walaupun sesudahnya aku harus berjalan dengan berbuntut balon, menjinjing kado2, berprajurit yang menggangu keramaian dengan tak hentinya bernyanyi happy birthday, dengan berbagai reaksi dari para pejalan kaki di jalan itu, aku bahagia!
perayaan 21 tahun yang seperti acara anak 12 tahun ini mengingatkanku. Aku boleh bertambah umur dan belajar menjadi dewasa, tetapi dengan mereka aku masih bisa bersenang-senang!
Banyak lagi yang tak bisa aku ungkapkan sekarang.
Terima kasih ku tak akan pernah cukup!
special thanks to: Tasia, LV, Ronny
to make all these happened!
dan untuk semua,
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same ?
"The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same" -- Corrine Bailey Rae
I suddenly remember this lyrics from Corrine's song: put your records on. It's a nice catchy song that I like a lot, but somehow that specific line really goes against my super complicated mind right now.
Well, a bunch of things happened in these 2 or 3 years that has caused me the lost of my-so-called 'memories' or to be exact: my pictures from the day I started my journey away from home. Those pictures really mean a lot for I'm a kind of person who is and will always be emotionally attached to things, and in this case the things were the photographs from the past.
My previous laptop was stolen, my external hard drive was crashed, my CD in which I burnt files of pictures is gone, and so on. The point is: I have no memories left, no track of the past.
Lately, I have this urge to bring those memories back. I want to see what my past looked like. I don't want to regret it, cry over it, but I just want to see what has changed over those years and what hasn't. Anyhow, last night I accidentally browsed my long forgotten space on MSN. Guess what I found there? couple of pictures that I posted there, and luckily I could manage to download it to my laptop.
I found pictures from my past relationships, pictures with friends who are not around here anymore, pictures that remind me of who I was back then. I started to compare my life now and back then. I started to realize how much I have changed. Well, I used to be so resistant to changes, if y'all know what I mean. I used to think that people should be the same forever, no friendship should be torn apart, no goodbye should ever happen.
away from the debate of how look now compared with how I looked years ago, I now understand that should never be stuck in the past by whatever means there is. I know I have changed A LOT! and I have to be proud of it! I may need to be back to the less chubby version I was, but I don't need to be the old me even though I miss those times sooooo muuch!
I have changed for I have learned a lot from life. therefore, I'm telling you my friends that if you feel that things seem to change, then they never do stay the same!
Now, what is left to do is to let go. Let go of the thoughts that I should have been the same old me to feel the same happiness I've had. Let go of my rotten past that has been eating me alive, keeping me from blooming.
I know deep down inside, I still want some things to happen all over again. But when It ended, it really stopped there! I don't need to beg. If some thing is meant to be, then it will have a brand new beginning.
Face it! We all change over time and we can never go back! all we need to do is don't look back and move forward. There I said it!
The hardest part is yet to come:
Now that I have talked the talk, I have to walk the talk!
Note to self:
I know you are better than that! and stronger than this!
You have to learn to let go and be who you are today for you are who you are today by the grace of God.
You may look back only to mimic the good!
but sure you can try your best to look better than you were in 2005! =)
Note to anyone who cares:
I'm proud to say that in 4 days before I'm turning 21 yo and I've found the way to maturity. I'm sure I'm getting there with the help of my dearest life, friends, family, and last but not least my super GOD!
No one can tell me that I ain't no good! I could be wise/intelligent/independent/sweet (<-these are not mine, they're Janet Mumford's opinion of me) if you know me enough.
I suddenly remember this lyrics from Corrine's song: put your records on. It's a nice catchy song that I like a lot, but somehow that specific line really goes against my super complicated mind right now.
Well, a bunch of things happened in these 2 or 3 years that has caused me the lost of my-so-called 'memories' or to be exact: my pictures from the day I started my journey away from home. Those pictures really mean a lot for I'm a kind of person who is and will always be emotionally attached to things, and in this case the things were the photographs from the past.
My previous laptop was stolen, my external hard drive was crashed, my CD in which I burnt files of pictures is gone, and so on. The point is: I have no memories left, no track of the past.
Lately, I have this urge to bring those memories back. I want to see what my past looked like. I don't want to regret it, cry over it, but I just want to see what has changed over those years and what hasn't. Anyhow, last night I accidentally browsed my long forgotten space on MSN. Guess what I found there? couple of pictures that I posted there, and luckily I could manage to download it to my laptop.
I found pictures from my past relationships, pictures with friends who are not around here anymore, pictures that remind me of who I was back then. I started to compare my life now and back then. I started to realize how much I have changed. Well, I used to be so resistant to changes, if y'all know what I mean. I used to think that people should be the same forever, no friendship should be torn apart, no goodbye should ever happen.
away from the debate of how look now compared with how I looked years ago, I now understand that should never be stuck in the past by whatever means there is. I know I have changed A LOT! and I have to be proud of it! I may need to be back to the less chubby version I was, but I don't need to be the old me even though I miss those times sooooo muuch!
I have changed for I have learned a lot from life. therefore, I'm telling you my friends that if you feel that things seem to change, then they never do stay the same!
Now, what is left to do is to let go. Let go of the thoughts that I should have been the same old me to feel the same happiness I've had. Let go of my rotten past that has been eating me alive, keeping me from blooming.
I know deep down inside, I still want some things to happen all over again. But when It ended, it really stopped there! I don't need to beg. If some thing is meant to be, then it will have a brand new beginning.
Face it! We all change over time and we can never go back! all we need to do is don't look back and move forward. There I said it!
The hardest part is yet to come:
Now that I have talked the talk, I have to walk the talk!
Note to self:
I know you are better than that! and stronger than this!
You have to learn to let go and be who you are today for you are who you are today by the grace of God.
You may look back only to mimic the good!
but sure you can try your best to look better than you were in 2005! =)
Note to anyone who cares:
I'm proud to say that in 4 days before I'm turning 21 yo and I've found the way to maturity. I'm sure I'm getting there with the help of my dearest life, friends, family, and last but not least my super GOD!
No one can tell me that I ain't no good! I could be wise/intelligent/independent/sweet (<-these are not mine, they're Janet Mumford's opinion of me) if you know me enough.
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